This question popped up in my mind recently. And by recently, I mean just within the past couple of minutes.  I was talking to friends on facebook listening to some music. We were talking about baseball and the MLB debut of a fellow Long Island Native, Steven Matz.  Matz had a long journey to the bigs, having gotten Tommy John surgery sometime after being drafted in 2009. And it reminds me of my situation. Clearly, I wasn’t drafted and had I been it makes my decision a littler easier. But if you haven’t read any of my past articles, I have a completely torn UCL and need Tommy John surgery.  I’ve contemplated getting it, fixing my elbow and being able to play baseball pain free again.  I’ve thought about if I get it and come back stronger than I was before that maybe there’s a slight chance at getting picked up on a Minor League team or maybe even an Independent team.

So, this train of thought got me thinking. If there is even the slightest chance of having your dream come true, taking the chance at something you dreamed about your whole life, why wouldn’t you jump at that opportunity and go for it? This doesn’t just pertain to me and it doesn’t just pertain to my dream of playing baseball. Another line of thought brought me to writing. And how I want to be an author and how I want to reach out to people. Give people hope and possibly shed a light on them when they are in a dark place.

But, is the fear of failure holding me back? Is the fear of risking the little I have right now really going to hold me back from going after the things I love? I’ve had this injury for two years now. I have contemplated surgery for the past year, wondering if it would be worth it. Wondering if I can afford to take time off from work. Like many others, I got bills to pay and missing a couple of months of work doesn’t seem like an option. So, is it fear or the lack of real options? If I am going to be 100% honest, I would have to say it is fear. The take possibly the biggest risk of my life up to this point, put everything into making one of my dreams come true and if it doesn’t work, I just fail. The effort wouldn’t matter, the time I spent wouldn’t matter. I would have failed and it would have been a waste of time.

That’s my biggest hurdle. Even with the support of friends and family that thinks that I would have a real shot…Fear is holding me back.  Just like in writing, that if I pour my heart and soul into writing and it doesn’t work out, then what do I have left? My two dreams would be failures and I would have nothing to show.  But as I write, I can hear it in my heart that do I really want to go on through the rest of my life not giving it my all? Do I really want to take the chance at regretting not trying in the first place?

So, there really are two questions here. What’s worse, not trying at all because you are afraid of failing or giving it your all and risking failure. Only one of those options has an upside. You can give it your all and fail and grow from that experience or give it your all and succeed. But if you don’t try at all, you are only failing. There is no growing, there is no experience, there is only regret.

This isn’t the most organized post, this isn’t the best I could write. This is a post from my heart and my thoughts. As I sit here writing, really trying to contemplate what I need to do and how to do it. I know that I need to do what I can, because I believe I can be successful. The fear of knowing I can fail, the fear of knowing how hard I will have to work is the only thing that is holding me, us, you back.  To beat this fear, we must be okay with failing and be okay with knowing that we did our best and gave ourselves the best chance to succeed. The rest isn’t up to us but at least we will know, we gave it our best and we will have no regrets. And remember, we are not the only ones being held back by fear, support your friends, your family, and people we don’t know. Because we know what it’s like to have Fear hold us back.

We live in a very scary generation. This generation has the greatest tool to help people but also to hurt people.  The internet. There are a lot of helpful people in the world and a lot of good things on the internet.  But, unfortunately, there are a lot of evil people and bad things  on the internet as well.  People aren’t afraid to say anything on the internet.  They are quick to judge and insult people, tell people that they are wasting their time and they won’t amount to anything.  It is a very scary time for individuals online.

My main concern with the cyber bullying that goes on is for the younger kids. The younger kids that are very vulnerable. Even young adults who have low self esteem that just happen to run into these people that think it is fun to insult people or tell people that they don’t have a chance.  They are bitter and hurtful.  You never know who you are talking to online or in comment sections, so please talk to people in a positive manner. Don’t be the ones that gives someone a reason to give up their dream that turns their hopes into tears.

People are very passionate but fragile. They want things in life, they want to be successful. I want to be successful. You want to be successful. How would it be fair to tell people they can’t achieve something because you had a bad day or you just want to “have fun”.  Lately, I have been very vocal online. I’ve been reassuring people and giving them positive reinforcement.  I let them know that if they keep on working towards their goal that they can do it.

If you see people being negative, do not insult them either. Because that doesn’t help anyone. Keep everything you say positive. And be positive towards the person that was being bullied.  There is a lot of things people can do in this world still to make it better. We each can help them get there and we can help the world to become better with positive attitudes. Just let people know you care, you believe in them, and that they are not alone.

Over the course of the past couple years we have seen a growing number of videos and court cases appear online.  These instances are becoming more and more common with each growing day.  The reason for this? Technology. But not just technology. People that want to raise awareness of the mistreatment of others.  One of the biggest public issues right now is the methods used by police officers to confront or subdue their persons of interest. I do not like to write about this stuff because it is very opinionated and I respect anyone who is willing to put others before themselves, especially in life threatening situations. But, I feel as if I need to talk about this because I see people want change but go about it the wrong way.

I see friends and strangers on facebook and other social media sites talking about how racism plays a big role in situations, especially ones dealing with officers and blacks.  I see friends saying that cops are power hungry assholes that don’t deserve respect.  This bothers me a lot. These people are willing to put other peoples lives before their own. Some may make mistakes in critical moments, some may choose between their life or their suspects life but does that mean that they are bad cops? Does that make them racist? This kind of logic is upsetting to me because people let their emotions and hatred for a group and base their beliefs on that hatred. This is not to say that there are truly bad cops out there but it wouldn’t be fair to generalize. But that is the reality of it. There are bad people in this world and there are good people. Some of those bad people are cops but also some of those good people are as well.

Now you have to believe that people with that kind of resentment towards a particular group of people have good reasons to, right? But, whenever the issue is race those people are going to be biased. The most public instances have been black males killed by officers (majority of them being white). And that has been about three (the ones that got the most media attention)? Maybe there have been more but there has also been the same instances vice versa that you don’t hear anything about because the media wants to focus on what will get the most views.  An example would be the riots in Baltimore, plenty of footage on that, but not the protests that are peaceful.   I’m not saying the cops are correct in their decisions or that they weren’t in the wrong. But, they should be given benefit of the doubt until it is proven that they did something wrong. And if they did something wrong, then the rest of  the community should not be held responsible for the actions of a select few. Not every cop is a bad person and not every bad person should be killed.

This is where I think a lot of people differ from me. I believe that in order to make a change we need to come together as a group.  Not in a destructive way like what happened in Baltimore or anywhere else in the world because that won’t improve our circumstances and it won’t invoke positive change in the community.  We need to stand together and make the best choices possible for our country. Remember, we the people have the ability to make change. It won’t be politicians who are in it for themselves. We push change by electing the best officials, standing together in protests (peacefully), and by our actions.

I have not written as much as I would like to recently. And by recently, I mean months.  Some of this has to do with not really sure of what to write, but a lot of it is because of these challenges that I face.  They aren’t any real obstacles but my own mind.  Writing about it, I hope I will be able to better overcome them and maybe help others who get to read this.

I love to write, it is what I want to do as a career. I want to write stories, novels, poems, blogs and hope that some of what I write can help people with their struggles.  I always want to write but never find myself doing so.  I talk to some friends and I tell them I want to write, I have these ideas of stories but for some reason I just don’t start writing.  These challenges prevent me from sitting down and getting work done. The real challenge is my own mind.

In my mind, I feel like writing is too much work. I want to relax before work, I want to relax after work.  But then I want to play video games with my friends and then I feel like there isn’t enough time to just relax and play games.  I’ll watch television and listen to music but then I don’t write because I’ll just be distracted.  These aren’t physical challenges but challenges to overcome in my own mind.  Probably the hardest ones to overcome are the ones that come from within.

I try to think about the time I have. That there is plenty of time to be able to do the things that I want to do.  There are times I feel rushed and feel like I don’t have the time to be able to do everything that I want to do. But, in reality, there is more than enough time. Maybe it’s poor time management, maybe it’s just being young and not realizing that there is plenty of time for everything.  I think it’s a combination of those things and prioritizing what is really important in my life.

With every new year usually comes a New Years resolution.  Resolutions to be healthier, go to the gym, stop bad habits, etc.  And for a little while it works.  Tons of new people at the gym using weights that you could normally use without problems or people being more irritable because they said they would stop smoking or what ever it is.  People make these resolutions with the hope they will become happier or live a more fulfilled life.  For me, there was no New Years Resolution and probably will never be.

For one reason I do not like making New Year Resolutions is it creates an attitude or thought process that you cannot change your life for the better unless it is at that time of year where you have to promise yourself you will change.  But in all reality, you can change the way you live any day you want.  Now, New Year Resolutions make it so people actually make that decision to finally start it which is good but it usually doesn’t last.

Why doesn’t it last?  Well, one reason is because you’re not doing it because you are ready to make that change. The only way a change in lifestyle could really work is to be ready and willing to make the sacrifices necessary to accomplish your goal.  Doing something just because its a time to do it won’t make it a permanent change. It’s more of a fad than a commitment.

A second reason as to why you don’t stick to your New Years resolution could be because you feel alone.  It would be a much safer bet if you were to make the same commitment as another friend. Instead of facing challenges and trials alone you will have someone with you going through the same things. You both would be able to support each other through the challenges that you both face and have a much greater chance at sticking to your resolution.

There could be other factors as to why you don’t stick to your New Years resolution such as familial reasons or financial reasons but those are outside circumstances that you can’t control.  So if you are looking to make a change in your life style you need to be ready to make the sacrifices necessary to accomplish your goal and if you know someone that is wanting to make the same changes to do it with them to support each other.