This question popped up in my mind recently. And by recently, I mean just within the past couple of minutes.  I was talking to friends on facebook listening to some music. We were talking about baseball and the MLB debut of a fellow Long Island Native, Steven Matz.  Matz had a long journey to the bigs, having gotten Tommy John surgery sometime after being drafted in 2009. And it reminds me of my situation. Clearly, I wasn’t drafted and had I been it makes my decision a littler easier. But if you haven’t read any of my past articles, I have a completely torn UCL and need Tommy John surgery.  I’ve contemplated getting it, fixing my elbow and being able to play baseball pain free again.  I’ve thought about if I get it and come back stronger than I was before that maybe there’s a slight chance at getting picked up on a Minor League team or maybe even an Independent team.

So, this train of thought got me thinking. If there is even the slightest chance of having your dream come true, taking the chance at something you dreamed about your whole life, why wouldn’t you jump at that opportunity and go for it? This doesn’t just pertain to me and it doesn’t just pertain to my dream of playing baseball. Another line of thought brought me to writing. And how I want to be an author and how I want to reach out to people. Give people hope and possibly shed a light on them when they are in a dark place.

But, is the fear of failure holding me back? Is the fear of risking the little I have right now really going to hold me back from going after the things I love? I’ve had this injury for two years now. I have contemplated surgery for the past year, wondering if it would be worth it. Wondering if I can afford to take time off from work. Like many others, I got bills to pay and missing a couple of months of work doesn’t seem like an option. So, is it fear or the lack of real options? If I am going to be 100% honest, I would have to say it is fear. The take possibly the biggest risk of my life up to this point, put everything into making one of my dreams come true and if it doesn’t work, I just fail. The effort wouldn’t matter, the time I spent wouldn’t matter. I would have failed and it would have been a waste of time.

That’s my biggest hurdle. Even with the support of friends and family that thinks that I would have a real shot…Fear is holding me back.  Just like in writing, that if I pour my heart and soul into writing and it doesn’t work out, then what do I have left? My two dreams would be failures and I would have nothing to show.  But as I write, I can hear it in my heart that do I really want to go on through the rest of my life not giving it my all? Do I really want to take the chance at regretting not trying in the first place?

So, there really are two questions here. What’s worse, not trying at all because you are afraid of failing or giving it your all and risking failure. Only one of those options has an upside. You can give it your all and fail and grow from that experience or give it your all and succeed. But if you don’t try at all, you are only failing. There is no growing, there is no experience, there is only regret.

This isn’t the most organized post, this isn’t the best I could write. This is a post from my heart and my thoughts. As I sit here writing, really trying to contemplate what I need to do and how to do it. I know that I need to do what I can, because I believe I can be successful. The fear of knowing I can fail, the fear of knowing how hard I will have to work is the only thing that is holding me, us, you back.  To beat this fear, we must be okay with failing and be okay with knowing that we did our best and gave ourselves the best chance to succeed. The rest isn’t up to us but at least we will know, we gave it our best and we will have no regrets. And remember, we are not the only ones being held back by fear, support your friends, your family, and people we don’t know. Because we know what it’s like to have Fear hold us back.